If you have ever been around any kids at all, you know that children are very ego-centric and it is all about THEM!!! Trying to teach my 23 month old the concept of "sharing" with his older brother or the kids at storytime is quite a feat these days. Wanting things for yourself, wanting to keep the best for yourself is an action that we do without having to learn it. Seeing my son being selfish makes me smile sometimes because it is kind of funny when they are little. But as they grow, if this selfishness isn't worked on or taught it grows very, very ugly.
Have you ever been around an adult that is selfish? I mean selfish to the point that everything is about them, or they choose the best things first and never offer the best to others? Or they are the first to request of you to do something but when they are asked to help, the answer is always no? It's not really quite so "funny" anymore like it is with my 23 month old. In fact, it is quite repulsive. Having a "me first" attitude in life is not an attitude that draws people to you at all. And when you meet a selfish adult and then see their selfish child, it really does make you think about how YOU act and what YOU are teaching your child.
I have been challenged lately a lot in fact, with how important it is to model unselfishness. Is it always easy? NO WAY! There are many times when I would just like to think of myself first (honestly, that doesn't happen too much as a mom anyways) but it's always that pull of "what am I showing to my kids" by acting in this way? When I watch S and T fight over who gets to go first, or want the biggest cookie for themselves, it does make me cringe. But I have to remember that I first have to model this unselfishness to them. So if that means giving up my "me time" in the evenings to snuggle with S when she is sad about something that happened at school, then I will. If it means getting up early to make the kids their lunches for school, then I will.
Something that I also am starting with my kids is a DAILY "kindness" goal. We'll see how this goes, but I'm excited to try it with my kids. Every morning we make a specific goal and I ask them, "What is one unselfish act you are going to do today?" We have made a list together of different things that are unselfish acts and so I am sure the kids will pull from this list a lot. But my hope is that eventually they will start to think up things on their own. Here are some things on our list right now:
*Let someone else go first in line at school.
*Help someone clean up at school.
*If there is only 1 paper of a certain color left for an art project and someone else wants it to, let them have it.
*Offer to clear your brother/sisters dishes.
*Spend time playing what someone else wants to play even if it's not what you want to play.
*Offer to help with things around the house without being asked first.
I think when we start teaching our kids explicitly to be unselfish, it may surprise us how it instils in them that idea of thinking about others first.
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