Today I was reminded again, the incredible power that words said in anger/frustration can have. We all know that words are a powerful weapon. They can cut you right to the core of who you are and leave you with a wound that sometimes doesn't heal properly. They can also fill that empty heart with love and with acceptance and belonging.
I know I have fallen into the category of "words spoken quickly out of frustration" and I instantly regret them because I know that words can be forever etched in someone's heart and mind. I find that when I am in a rush (probably mostly due to my own planning issues), that the frustrated words can just fly like zingers and the aftermath is tears from everyone. How many times do I kick myself after those words come flying out of my mouth when I realize the damage that those little words can have on one so little? I end up apologizing to my kids and hugging them so tightly and saying how even mommies still mess up and I'm working on it. I still remember to this day words that have been spoken to me from a very young age. Some harsh words that still are imprinted and I have to really push past those memories and not dwell on them or they can still bother me even now. But I also remember other words spoken out of love and care. One of the very last conversations I had with my mom was 2 days before she died. She was in a lot of pain and it was just me and her in the hospital room. I felt scared and nervous and uncomfortable because she was so different (she was on so much pain medication). A nurse came in and started talking to me and asking me questions about what I wanted to do when I was older (okay, who asks that of a 13 year old girl when her mother is days away from dying?). I told her, "I don't know." From the hospital bed, my mom piped up, "Yes, you do. You are going to be a teacher.". A teacher? Sure, I always played teacher with my little sister and taught her how to read, but never had I really imagined myself doing that. But oh how those words always stuck with me and I tried to run from them, but well, if you know me, you know that I spent 10 years as a classroom teacher and am now a substitute teacher. The power of words.
The situation that came up today when I once again realized the power of words was with a boy in the 5th grade class that I was substituting for. This was my 2nd day in a row in this class so I kind of had a feel for the different personalities that were in the class and had already learned some of the students backgrounds. This one boy came in today and right away went to his desk and put his head down and started crying. I knew a bit about this boys background and knew that his parents recently split up and there is a huge custody battle and he hasn't seen his dad (not biological) in months. I went up to him and asked if I could help. He said, "My mom was mad at me this morning because I kept forgetting my stuff and I was taking too long to get ready. I always forget stuff and she gets so mad. This morning she told me that she is going to have me moved to a Special Needs class because I'm not smart and can't do anything. She said that I may not be in this class after today because of how I just mess up all the time." I was shocked....this poor boy who had been through this huge emotional upheaval and from all my interactions with him, seemed a very bright and confident boy, was reduced to tears by horribly harsh words from his mother. This mother who probably had to deal with a slow son in the mornings for many years and for whatever reason couldn't handle it this morning. But the power of those words and the harshness in which they were spoken were all this boy was able to think about for awhile this morning. I doubt those words are going to just disappear but I'm sure they will be in his memory for a long time.
Please...and this is a post to myself as well...the next time your little one is taking too long getting ready, or gets distracted when you are in a hurry to leave, or spills their milk all over the table; close your eyes, take a deep breath, and imagine the look on their face when you speak harshly to them and do whatever you can to put a smile on your face and speak with love, whether you may feel it at the moment or not. Words can cut, words can tear down, and a mother's words are even more powerful than we ever can know.
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